1. 702 - I Still Love You

BOOM!

From the opening, immense explosiveness of the ceremonial drum, you know you’re in for something special, something rhythmic, and something lovely. Unlike with the #2 entry Beautiful, there is no lengthy background story with this track. It made it to number one on sheer epic musical quality alone. From the rather decent and ultimately slept-on 2003 album Star comes this equally slept-on soulful offering by Sin City R&B lady trio 702 and a sheer Neptunes masterpiece of production.

I originally posted this song here. And amazingly, it has received 580+ plays as of this writing (which is surprising because I’m certain my readership is NOT that huge). So peeps out there are apparently playing the sh!t out of it. Or if you’re the one that’s played it 500 times, you no doubt love the song more than I do and should be the one writing this post (haha). But honestly, I can’t blame them (or you). I Still Love You is all things lovely, grandiose and just plain epic sounding. And it’s also one hell of an overlooked Neptunes gem that rarely gets mentioned when discussing the best beats that them VA boys have created. So hopefully my placing it at number one gives it a miniscule push out of obscurity. Or maybe not. Either way, on to the beat…

The 3 vintage Neptunes staples are all present and punctual here. Better still, each component is turned up to 11. The aforementioned drums (slammed with mallets for drum sticks, I’m sure) announce their presence with thunderous glory (turn it up and you can feel it in your soul 4 real). The instrumentation here is simply majestic with pure and thick synths that are incredibly pronounced. And of course the hand claps. Like a necessary slap in the face to wake you up, the very crisp claps echo with style and purpose; it almost feels like the ‘Tunes are in the room with you, clapping hard ‘til their hands turn beet red. As for the bridge, with a beat like this you don’t really need an elaborate bridge and that’s what we get: subtle tonal changes in the instrumentation and even some xylophone/cowbell style percussion scattered all around to give some twinkle to the production. Finally, the way that it all comes together is like a sweet and tender kiss on the lips…not those ones, you dirty devil (c) Ali G.

I’ve always liked 702 better than most other girl groups of the time (plus I had a little crush on Irish). It’s a shame that their popularity never reached the impressive levels of some of their musical peers (like Destiny’s Child, for one), because as far as voices and harmonizing go, they were quite good for a 3 person R&B girl group. Unfortunately, their 3rd album Star (the title track of which was also produced by the ‘Tunes and featuring the Clipse) ended up being their final album before the group disbanded. Even worse, a few years later, the sister of two of the band members (whom she herself was one of the founding members of 702) passed away due to kidney failure at the tender age of 27. Yes, a damn shame, indeed.

“See it don’t take a rocket scientist to” realize that the lyrics are nothing complicated. It’s the love movement, plain and simple. Despite everything we’ve been through, both good and bad, “I decided I still love you.” Awwww. Yep, this isn’t rocket science OR brain surgery and doesn’t need to be. Plus you got Pharrell on the hook doing what he does worst (singing) but doing it with passion and soul. And that’s what counts. As for P and Hugo, even though I’m not really feeling any of the beats that you dudes have so far given the Clipse for their upcoming 3rd (aka 4th) album. And even though you guys often produce individually under the Neptunes banner and continue to confuse your fans as to who’s really behind the boards. And even though the rumours of your supposed break up continue to annoyingly show up and disappear. Despite all that, I still love you, Neptunes!

True (not Hollywood) story: very early on in my nephew’s life (when he couldn’t yet crawl), I would carry him around the house and dance with him to some of my favourite tunes (trying my best to instill some rhythm into him). Much to my delight, he responded to the booming bass of this joint in particular. And even though he was tough at times to take care of (hey, I’m no professional father, I’m just an amateur uncle), I would sing along to the hook, declaring that my inexperience and resulting impatience in conjunction with him being a handful was all just part of the learning process of life. “I still love you!”, I crooned to the little guy, who then smiled at me (probably because I was out of tune).

This is my favourite Neptunes beat (Ichiban numba won!). Maybe one day I’ll waste even more of my (and your) time and compose a list of my Top 8 Neptunes beats which they produced for themselves (because really, that’s a whole ‘nother musical monster as their discography is that huge). But this current countdown is proof that Pharrell and Chad show their ass when crafting and selling their music to their clientele; whether high profile or up-and-coming, they don’t discriminate (as they shouldn’t).

*relaxed breath* So as my latest self-imposed writing exercise comes to a close, this Planet Neptunes list is simply a small offering of the kind of music that reminds me of the summertime. So on this July weekend, whether you’re still sobering up from your 4th of July festivities. Or if you’re Canadian (like me) and haven’t stopped drinking or partying since Canada Day this past Wednesday (yeah baby!), take a listen to these 8 joints and 3 deleted selections in order if you haven’t already (on a booming sound system preferably or a pair of ear-incasing headphones) and chill out to your remaining buzz. But more importantly, thoroughly enjoy these summer days playing whatever music takes you to that special place and makes you happy enough to lose your inhibitions and get up and dance. Finally, if you, the reader, actually read each verbose selection in this countdown and enjoyed the accompanying music. Then you’ll believe me when I say: I STILL LOVE YOU!!! Happy summer!

Babyface - There She Goes (The Neptunes Remix)

Before I reveal Number One on my list (which won’t be today…sorry), here’s one last Neptunes joint that missed the cut; another deleted scene if you will. Also, this was another beat that was originally intended for MJ. Take a listen for yourself: the break-neck tempo (ideal for a sick dance number), the background breathing noises (reminiscent of The King’s trademark gasping ad-libs), the elaborate bridge-like hook (which MJ would’ve ate up and made all his own). It ain’t hard to tell that the ‘Tunes had Michael in mind when they created this composition. And I personally think The King would’ve killed this joint (but alas, he wasn’t trying to hear that). Although to be fair, Babyface does a fine job with the track. There she goes. C’mon…dance!

2. Snoop Dogg - Beautiful (feat. Pharrell, Uncle Charlie Wilson)

About 6 years ago during the spring/summer of 2003, a new alternative rock radio station opened up to the airways in Ottawa. And to celebrate the occasion, the station declared that they would play music non-stop, all day, all night with no commercials for the first few weeks. Also, despite being an alternative rock station, the programmers would also play just a little bit of hip hop here and there. Snoop Dogg’s Paid Tha Cost To Be Da Bo$$ just came out the previous winter. And the highlight track from said album was on HEAVY rotation. Like to the tune of 10-15 times a day or at least once every couple of hours. Back then, I admit I kinda got sick of it (and how could you not?). Then, once said station started playing commercials, I stopped listening (I’m so fickle). And that’s the end of my history with radio.

Fast forward to a year later and by chance I happened to catch a certain reality TV based “documentary” on TMN, brought to us by the producers of MTV’s The Real World. Yes, I’m talking about one of the worst rated movies of all-time and one of my greatest guilty pleasures ever: The Real Cancun. I’m not really sure why everyone hated this flick, because it delivered exactly what was advertised: all the good stuff from The Real World TV series over the backdrop of Cancun, Mexico (a location that The Real World has made a glorious return to in the current season). All crammed into a 96 minute feature length film. Oh and the music selection was fantastic (highlights included The Roots, Gorillaz, N*E*R*D and James Brown). Speaking of the music, there is a scene right near the middle, following the infamous wet t-shirt contest (because you gotta have one of those), where the producers bring out the special musical guest to entertain the drunken Cancun crowd. And that guest would be none other than the one man who is undefeated on grass (a little tennis/weed humour there), Snoop (Doggy) Dogg, performing the latest single to his then new album. The live joint, of course, was none other than Bea-u-ti-ful.

Now, I don’t know if it was the tropical sights, the copious amounts of alcohol being waved around or the countless number of hotties in bikini tops bouncing to the beat (or a devilish combination of all the above). But hearing Snoop’s previously played out Neptunes joint performed live over those hedonistic visuals awakened something in me (“What happen in Cancun…stay down there.” (c) Yeezy). And from that day forward, I absolutely loved the track. It is quite possibly the one song I’ve listened to the most times within the past 5 years (I’ve scrobbled it 100 times in the past 2.5 years alone). And for that reason, it should be the number one track on this list (but Numero Uno will have a little something to say about that). Still, this and the yet-to-be-revealed number one entry could easily be switched out for one another (and by all means, do so if you wish). But on this evening, at this time, Beautiful stands as my 2nd favourite Neptunes-produced joint. Now, onto the track in question.

From the opening “uh-uh-uh-ohh-ohhhhh” by Pharrell, it instantly feels like summertime no matter what season it is (thankfully, as I type this, the capital region is soaked in humid summery weather with some fresh Canada Day fireworks smoke to boot). And thanks to The Real Cancun, I also immediately think about tropical getaways, Spring Break and lots of drinking. So good thoughts all around. And really, isn’t that what music is all about? Instantly changing our moods for the better and taking us to a special place, 3-5 minutes at a time? The premium production definitely helps in both conveying and creating those wonderful visuals.

From the gentle yet fast-paced keyboard/bell-like stabs (which pose as little angelic footsteps twinkling throughout the composition), to the contrasting heavy drums and sharp snares which are arranged in a simple and very accessible manner (but pump nice and hard; so beautiful), to Pharrell’s infamous falsetto voice which is everywhere from the background vocals (some of which are also supplied by long-time soulful Neptunes collaborator Uncle Charlie Wilson) to the hook to the breakdown. Beautiful is just that; it exudes a pure and care-free attitude indicative of the summer months where love and high temperatures go hand in hand (and lips to lips).

But the best part is when the trademark ‘Tunes hand claps slowly crawl in to join the party, just as all other sounds (save for the “really special” background vocals) are fazed out at an equal pace until everything is eventually silent. “Oh yeah, there’s something about you.” (c) P. Bam! Drums. Keys. Everyone comes back for the brief finale. Oh yeah, there’s something about that breakdown, alright. The perfect ending before we fade out on the perfect summer jam and one of the most perfect Neptunes compositions ever. Perfect (which is the name of the track that would actually end up being the sequel to Beautiful, from Snoop’s follow-up Rhythm & Gangsta album).

A little about Paid Tha Cost…despite it’s exorbitant length and, as a result, sections of filler, it has grown to become my personal favourite Snoop album…not including Doggystyle, of course (a standard statement that one must make when rating Snoop’s albums). Actually, I’m tired of fans comparing every new Snoop album to the gangsta rap perfection that was Doggystyle. That early 90’s time capsule will NEVER be made again. Dre and Snoop are both in VERY different places in their lives and could never surpass an album the calibre of Doggystyle EVER (hell, they would probably be amongst the first to say that). So get over it. And if you can get past that, you might be able to appreciate the fact that Snoop has been coming with it for some time since then and hasn’t fallen off for very long. Although IMO, the best career move he made was hiring the Neptunes in 2002 to resurrect his career. And it worked like a charm as it’s been a successful (and head-nodding) partnership ever since. Everytime that Snoop, Pharrell and Chad (and to a lesser degree, Uncle Charlie Wilson) get together, it is musical magic and I for one appreciate each and every one of the Snoop/’Tunes collabos as well as look forward to the future ones.

This song is my sh!t *patting chest* MY SH!T. I never get tired of this near 5-minute masterpiece and never will again (for the numerous reasons listed above).

Planet Neptunes track selection #2 is now in the books. And then there was one…

Stay (Nep)tuned.

Pharrell - Like I Love You (Demo Version) (feat. Clipse)

As I take my time to prepare the penultimate Neptunes selection on the list (actually, I haven’t even started writing the #2 entry, so I’m really just buying myself more time here), feel free to listen to another joint that, along with the Sade remix, just missed the countdown cut. T’is a single that everyone and their Mom, dog and bowl of fish know quite well. In particular, what I have uploaded is the original incarnation (“It’s a demo!” - Kool G Rap) of what would ultimately become the very successful lead single from Timberpond’s 2002 solo debut Justified. There are 2 main reasons why this is a notable mention (other than the fact that I’ve always loved the acoustic-laden beat).

1. For better or for worse (and for the record, I’ve never been a fan), this is the song that technically launched Justin’s solo career (if you remember, this was the first single from Justified and it blew the F*CK up!). Side note: the next single, also a Neptunes banger, was Rock Your Body, a beat which I tend to enjoy as well. So historically, the ‘Tunes (who handled 7 of the 13 joints on Justified) had a large hand in helping to create arguably the most popular pop music megastar of the current generation (hey, I’ll give credit where credit is due…even if I do despise the guy).
2. I’ve heard/read that this beat (as well as a few other Neptunes beats from Justified) were initially offered to the late (still can’t believe it), supremely great Michael Jackson for his 2001 Invincible LP. Well, for one ill-advised reason or another, The King passed on everything that Pharrell and Chad had to offer. Invincible was then released and was considered a sub-par if not slightly underrated MJ album (but not something worthy of being The King’s final album, which it has now become). As for the unused beats, they were re-gifted and given to N’Sync member #1. And the rest is history. Oh Mike, why didn’t you ever work with The Neptunes? I feel that you guys would’ve made some sick music together. But now we’ll never know.

Anyways, this beat was so good that it probably did make lots of beatsmiths jealous (or “hurt so many people’s feelings” as P so confidently stated at the end of the demo), due to its broad commercial appeal and simultaneous ill-tastic quality (this elusive combo is The Neptunes M.O.). As you listen to the demo, the song is pretty much finished. Only P’s vocals were later re-done by Timberflake, and also the beat breakdown which showed up on the final version isn’t there yet. And it should also be said that, within the very short mic time that they were given, Pusha T and Malice drop some swift and efficient bars. To date, this is the only time that the Clipse have appeared in a song that made it into the TOP 40 countdown.

Whoa, I didn’t mean to write a semi-review, but it looks like I had quite a bit to say about a track that didn’t even make it onto my Planet Neptunes countdown, didn’t I? I feel it was justified, though ;) Happy Canada Day!

3. Natasha Ramos - In The Midnight Hour (Alternate Mix)

“I hope you read every line…to this [review]”, but seriously, it doesn’t bother me if you don’t read every word (I do tend to go on and on). Just listen to the track is all.

I am actually writing this “in the midnight hour” (or rather much later than that), trying to make my self-imposed early morning deadline. Will I finish this in time? Well, if you are in fact reading every line to this message, then clearly I did. But now, onto more pressing matters.

What you’re listening to is an alternate version of a Neptunes produced track from 2003, composed for the sweet but seemingly never-heard-from-again vocalist Natasha Ramos (incorrectly referred to or tagged as Tasha on some versions of this track). This was a majorly slept-on single to an album that was never released or might not have even been completed (don’t hold me to that though). But if anything, In The Midnight Hour is proof positve that whether the ‘Tunes are working with big multi-million dollar names or the little known fresh faces, they always give each client the best stuff that they can muster up. And as it would turn out, this little wonder ended up becoming one of the greatest Neptunes beats ever.

Crisp piano notes, solid but subtle drum programming, heavenly keyboard synths, some sparkling chimes, guitar strings with some moog (during the ill bridge) and Natasha’s pretty voice are all combined by Pharrell and Chad to create one beautiful and mellow nighttime soundscape. The lyrics themselves are on some puppy love/booty call steez (“Or in the midnight hour when you creep…to have a piece of me, my baby”). However, it’s all about the vibe which is a thing of beauty. The contrast of the piano and synths are what give this track its glowing personality. However it is all of those aforementioned elements which together form a sound that just makes you smile, right before you crash for the night. T’is a great tune to fall asleep to while thinking of that special someone (“I hope you dream of me…I hope you dream of me”).

As for this alternate mix (which I prefer a tad over the original, although I love them both), here are the differences I noticed:

• The beat comes in right away in this version (it slowly builds in the original).
• The bongos are gone if not subdued. In exchange, the guitar twangs are more pronounced.
• There’s also a brief guitar breakdown/beat drop right where Natasha says: “Y’all feel me?”
• And right at the end, Pharrell’s voice is inserted in there, from sound snippets taken from the actual studio session (more on that later).

Despite all that, the spirit of the original is fully intact. And that’s a good thing.

OH my God, check it out…check it out. - Skateboard P in studio.

Later: Now here’s the real treat of this review. I urge you, the reader, to click here in order to view one of my most favourite viral vids ever. It’s a near 10 minute video diary of The Neptunes in studio with Natasha back in 2K3, documenting the building of this track from the ground up. Pharrell is hard at work and full of inspiration here as you see him come up with the beat, then he literally arranges the lyrics and bars on the spot, and finally he walks Natasha through the arrangement prior to recording (which is not shown). Chad walks in with his guitar and jams a bit as this is all going on (just chillin’). It’s an amazing thing to see and I’ve watched this scene many, many times. I just wish there were more fly-on-the-wall vids like this one showcasing the ‘Tunes (or any of my other favourite producers for that matter) creative process to their craft. So very interesting!

You know, it’s probably ideal to play the vid first, then peep the final track to see how it all came together. But you’ve most likely played the entire song by now (did you like it?). So maybe I should have mentioned the vid at the beginning of this post. But then there wouldn’t be a surprise…and I love giving out surprises! You can see the bind I was in, can’t you?

Hey…hey…hey! How crazy is that? Wah-hooo! - Skateboard P hilariously expressing his joy upon discovering a new arrangement idea. Yes, new ideas are happiness, indeed.

We have now reached the end of the 3rd quarter (wah-hooo!). In these trying times, may you have a wonderful day.

4. Kelis - Young, Fresh N’ New

Do you know what straight f*ckin crazy bananas sounds like? I would wager that this 2001 Neptunes/Kelis collabo that leads off Kels’ overseas-only released sophomore LP Wanderland would fit the bill quite nicely. 1nce again, to really appreciate just how much is going on with the music, you need to put on a nice set of headphones or blast this in your whip. Just be careful when it’s finished, because your brain (which I just love) might start to ooze out of your ear. Braaaiiiiins!

Now, choosing a favourite Neptunes/Kelis beat is like choosing between your children. Straight up, these 3 cats were made for eachother. Kelis sounds completely natural on every single Neptunes joint and P and Chad always bring out the best in her stylishly angry personna. Compare Kaleidoscope and Wanderland (both albums entirely produced by the Neptunes) with Tasty (5 ‘Tunes tracks, one of them being from Wanderland, although Milkshake is what finally blew her up to the masses) and Kelis Was Here (which had zero Neptunes contributions). The quality graph frankly takes a nose dive. From the beginning all the way until the unexplained break up, this was a match made in electro-hip hop/r&b heaven. And now that Kelis is divorcing Nas and is apparently in some financial trouble. I think it would be the perfect time for her to get back with Pharrell and Chad and just yell at eachother in the studio for old times sake and produce another classic album (from the stories that I’ve heard, Kelis and Pharrell got into some serious heated arguments when making her first 2 albums…and the end results from that passionate struggle were nothing short of amazing).

The bassy synths are thick and buc nasty here; they sometimes sound like possessed electric guitars and are almost anarchistic in attitude (goes well with the “runaway from…home” hook). The bridge is ill as Neptunes bridges always are. And somewhere in there are subtle handclaps (another ‘Tunes trademark). But I can’t even begin to describe the electronic noise feedback going on in the background (Chad f*cking lost it on this one). It’s like fireworks went off in the studio and these noises are trying to give each little colourful explosion particle a distinct voice.

Technically, there is no real pronounced percussion present (it’s all synth bass and hand claps), but regardless the track bumps something serious due to the chaotic yet controlled sum of all noises. Edit: My bad, the drums are in there, but the synths are layered right on top of them in a very precise manner. You’d think after listening to the song 50 times, I would notice that. End edit. The skill of the Neptunes to channel all of these wild segments into a cohesive composition that was and still is way ahead of its time is something to be applauded. Like really, this track (released in 2001) could have easily come from some post-modern synth-pop era still 5-7 years in the future. It sounds so fresh yet futuristic; incredibly epic and a lot of fun to boot. Young, fresh and new, it most certainly is.

Let’s talk about Wanderland for a moment. This joint was never officially released in North America (it’s still categorized as an import today) which is a shame considering it’s the best thing Kelis has ever done (she deserves more shine than she’s received). Sonically, this album is very sound (pun intended). Plus it’s got an incredibly cohesive vibe from beginning to end. But most importantly, the ‘Tunes took some major creative risks on this album and, for the most part, they paid off. And 7.5 years later, it still sounds like it was produced sometime in the next decade. So I gotta do this. Here is a track-for-track review of Wanderland (a review within a review!) because more people need to listen to this joint. I’ll try my best to be brief (ha).

• Intro: short and dreamy (and fully realized in the hidden track Star Wars)
• Young, Fresh N’ New: Whoa! Lead off batter knocks it outta the park, nuff said.
• Flash Back: More like flash FORWARD! Next sh!t. Was also included on Tasty since Wanderland never came out in the US.
• Popular Thug: The original version featuring Pusha T and not Kelis’ future husband/divorcee Nasty Nas.
• Daddy: Chilled-out sexiness featuring Malice and Pharrell (the entire Star Trak family is reppin’ hard on this LP). Insane bridge on here from the bridge masters.
• Scared Money: Getting sexier and sexier. Oh God, those drums. Sick, sick, sick. Definitely a mandatory headphone joint here.
• Shooting Stars: Zoning out to love. The keyboard work and snares are masterful here. P appears again to sing his heart out. Mini hidden track at the end.
• Digital World: Aptly-named track. All about the electronic noises here. Sounds like Flash Back Pt.2. Featuring Roscoe aka Kurupt’s brother.
• Perfect Day: Real electric guitar joint. Kels rocks out with the best of them. The breakdown is vintage Neps.
• Easy Come, Easy Go: Minimalist ‘Tunes with some silliness from Kelis. Fast paced beat that sounds low-key (how’d they do that?).
• Junkie: More Kelis goofiness here. It’s all about the strings (electronic, acoustic, bass, everything). I’m a junkie for this beat.
• Get Even: This is that joint. Totally unassuming but very sinister and brings some serious heat (Kels is straight up angry here as she plans on serving some revenge ice cold). Plus it contains one of the best bridges I’ve ever heard (I keep saying these guys are the bridge masters and they prove me right time and time again).
• Mr. U.F.O. Man: Great little dreamy intro that makes way for the bass and super thick snares. Drives home the whole spaced out, alien theme of the album. Featuring John Ostby on vocals.
• Little Suzie: Technically the album closer. And in that sense, it does the job well. Lovely, vulnerable and for the children. This also plays as the intro for 2 hidden tracks (depending on what copy of Wanderland you have acquired/DLed).
• Bonus - Star Wars: Spaced out, beautiful soundscape. One of the Neptunes best offerings. Which makes it even more amazing that it’s technically not part of the album. It’s also the full version of the Intro track (with new lyrics and a developed fade out section). Another composition as dreamy as the blue skies on the Wanderland album cover.
• Bonus - I Don’t Care Anymore: A pissed off remake of the Phil Collins song of the same name. Vintage ANGRY Kelis. The beat is equally irate. They both don’t care anymore. But if you’ve made it this far in the album (and in this previously single track review which has now been hijacked by a mini-album review), then you care very much so. Thank you. This is probably the track that Kelis played for Nas right before they split up (because that’s how musicians break up, right?). Hell of a workout song too.

4.5/5 IMO. So check this joint out (the song and the album). You won’t be disappointed…that is, if you enjoy off-the-wall Neptunes productions (and if you don’t, then why are you reading this?). Bar none, Wanderland is my favourite start-to-finish album that the ‘Tunes have produced for another artist. Kelis is just great throughout, playing the individualistic anti-diva to perfection. And, along with Hell Hath No Fury by the Clipse, it’s the only Neptunes produced LP to rival the quality of In Search Of…(the electronic euro version) production-wise. So yes, it’s that good, which blows my mind as to why it gets little to no shine or mention anywhere when discussing Neptunes productions (although the fact that it was never officially released in North America helped to keep it more obscure than it should have been). It’s the definition of a hidden gem and, as a result, so is its lead-off track and the main subject of this post: Young, Fresh N’ New.

Sade - By Your Side (Neptunes Remix)

Whilst we are still chilling at the halftime of my Planet Neptunes countdown, I thought I would post one of the tracks that just missed the lean cut. The ‘Tunes were masters of the remix, whether the style was upbeat, hip hop or slow jam. This track is on the silky smooth side of things. No in-depth review or anything. Simply listen and enjoy this lazy Sunday.

5. Clipse - Hello New World

Straight crushin’ you (and how!). From the near flawless 2006 Hell Hath No Fury LP comes this certified cocaine-rap street banger and…holy-sh!t-this-song-goes-at-you-incredibly-hard-no-really-play-this-in-the-whip-or-on-some-sennheisers-in-your-bedroom-you’ll-see-what-I-mean-damn-it-my-eardrums-got-bruised-it-hurts-in-a-good-way!

Press play and P immediately sets things off by singing the hook. What you are listening to right now is by far the most menacing beat that The Neptunes have ever created IMO. And if the album credits, which state that Pharrell produced HHNF all by himself without Chad (something I find hard to believe), are true. Then sweet Lord! Where has P been keeping these beats all this time? He must have locked himself in the same type of dungeon that Lafayette found himself trapped in at the beginning of True Blood: Season 2, because dude had to be in a dark and hopeless place to produce all of them angry heat rocks. Sheeeiiiiiit.

Hello New World is dark, moody, subterranean and gutteral; it virtually digs down to the earth’s core (and that’s not even counting Pusha T and Malice’s ambitious and cautionary floetry). It knocks me right in between the eyes everytime the first drums come out to kick the listener’s ass and I get so hyped up (I’ve used it many times to prepare for my marathon push up sessions and it works). And ironically, as hopeless as the beat sounds, it’s complemented by hopeful lyrics from the participants. Well, hopeful in a sense that they plan on taking over this new post-apocalyptic drug-filled wasteland they find themselves in. They’re on their way!

Everything in this song is dark and I love it. In particular, the synths sound like they’re being stretched then suddenly scratched back and recoiled like a possessed record player stuck in a perpetual motion loop. Then there’s a foreboding humdrumming sound permeating throughout the entire recording that is just chilling, nuff said. Sh!t, even the cowbell (which there is just the right amount of, thank you) sounds like it’s on the neck of a restless raging bull and not some tasty bovine (“When I grow up, I’m going to Bovine University” (c) Ralph Wiggum). Which I have no doubt was by meticulous design.

If hustlin’ is a must, be Soze NOT Tony (c) Pusha T

Good advice. Speaking of which, this beat is how Keyser Soze would sound like if the mythical drug lord somehow spiritually entered an MPC and turned himself into a frightening amalgamation of musical sounds. The mood created is intimidating, lays very low and you never once doubt that this music wouldn’t kill its entire family just to make a statement to its enemies. Yes, I know I’m talking about a beat here, but do bear with me, it’s a mean one (and go see The Usual Suspects if you somehow don’t know what I’ve been referencing for this entire paragraph). Basically, don’t f*ck with them drug lords…and don’t f*ck with this beat either.

There’s nothing catchy, upbeat or anything even remotely clubby about this track. Which leads me to believe that it may get the least total spins out of my 8 Neptunes selections on this list (prove me wrong, Internet!). But therein lies the brilliance, as this example displays the ‘Tunes’ incredible range. They can produce beats for both TOP 40 pop starlets and grimey-ass thug rappers alike, successfully adapting to the style of each client, bringing the best out of them in the process. Although for the record, Pusha T and Malice always come across as much more intelligent and articulate than your average rap thug (Philly’s Most Wanted on the other hand).

This is my favourite Clipse/Neptunes collabo (and that’s saying something as there are 3 albums worth of beats to choose from). But after reading over 600 words about one track, you probably already deduced as much. And with this latest entry, Side A is complete as we have now flown halfway across Planet Neptunes. Hope you’re enjoying the journey.

6. Mary J. Blige - Steal Away

We still ghetto, ghetto!

Don’t get it twisted, Skateboard P declares. Even though this joint is technically a love song, it still bumps hard and goes in agressively, love-you-down style with a few bumps along the way. “Even if it’s wrong, I feel it’s right”, indeed. A 2002 offering from the queen of hip-hop/soul, the sultry Mary J. Blige, brings along a Neptunes collaboration that combines the best parts of both music genres into a blender and delivers a composition that gets you in the mood to grind (dance-floor style or otherwise). I like. A lot.

Pharrell leads things off with a verse done almost entirely in his trademark bad falsetto voice. But even though P can’t really sing, dude exudes so much soul when he’s doing vocals that you can’t help but feel the passion in his words; how ironically sweet it is. Mary J. takes up the middle portion as a mirrored reply to Pharrell’s verse, supplying the track with her legendary crooning as she rides the beat with style and finesse (and would later finish the track with some extensive ad-libbing). Finally, we have Marshane Smith (an alias of Gene Thornton better known as Malice from the Clipse), dropping some bars to bring up the rear. This verse was recorded between the unreleased Clipse debut Exclusive Audio Footage and the record that would blow them up to the hip hop world, Lord Willin’. So Malice sounds quite young here with more attitude but less polish; a contrast to the cold and calculated MC we know him as today. Either way, all the players do their part to make this track very memorable.

One of the best things about the ‘Tunes is that they can consistently do beats that are sexy yet strong with just the right amount of stylish attitude. This track has all of those elements in spades, clubs, hearts and diamonds (a stacked deck, if you will). The drums are even tempered and not intense but rather thick and full of substance and passion (almost like there’s a bunch of confetti sitting on the drums that gets unsettled with every pound and thump). Very slight instrumentation going on here with some subtle keys on the verses and strings on the chorus, sprinkled in all the right places to taste. And oooh, does it taste ever so delectable. BTW, Mary J kills the chorus.

At the conclusion, P states how this track is like “one of them records my pops used to listen to.” In some ways, Steal Away is indeed like a classic soul track from the 70s, but successfully updated with a 21st century mentality. “This ain’t no mirage.” This is very real, organic soul with a heavy hip hop edge. In other words, this Neptunes joint’s got the “gangsta lean”, no doubt. Feel free to press play to your heart’s content (awww yeah, again n’ again).

7. T.I. - What’s Yo Name

*tap…tap…tap…tap*

When those tiny percussion taps (yes, those ones up there) creep up on the listener, followed by the approaching hollow electronic harmonica-like synths, and finally the drums swiftly make themselves known, then it’s go time.

C’mon…c’mon…c’mon…c’mon. (c) Skateboard P

From T.I.’s 2001 debut album I’m Serious comes this certified Neptunes banger, suitable for both the streets and the clubs. But back to those little taps for a sec: they remind me of the sound of this tiny hand percussion instrument I have that was given to me by my Uncle from a trip he took to Cuba. But I’m an idiot so I forgot what the instrument is called. However, I wouldn’t put it past the ‘Tunes for using something so exotic in such a subtle way *tapping unnamed Cuban instrument to the beat*

Never been a fan of the self-proclaimed king of the south, T.I.(P.). And I still don’t really know what this song is about, to be honest (other than T.I. bragging about his sexual escapades with females he just met…OK, I guess that sums up the subject matter). In any event, T.I.’s bravado gibberish actually complements the beat nicely as he effortlessly rides the fast paced melody with thuggish-ruggish aplomb. It also goes without saying that this is easily my favourite T.I. track ever (the list itself is very short).

Pharrell’s drum programming on display here is standard Neptunian fare, devoid of any hard-to-follow rhythm changes; just straight up banging. Chad’s strange electronic sounds are in there as well (all the little bleeps you can hear throughout). And those 8-bar harmonica sounding synths are f*cking tight! They make the song, no doubt. But what also makes this beat so awesome is that it’s catchy as hell and quickly gets your shoulders shaking with other movable body parts not far behind. There’s no complexity either; just a simple loop for practically the entire duration. And although it’s not too long to begin with, the track feels like it whizzes by you in an instant due to the wicked pace set by the constantly sweeping snares, if they actually are snares (could even be a broom at work). I’m not a musician (could you tell?) so I’m simply describing what I think I hear.

What’s Yo Name is trademark Neptunes minimalism at work. Perfect cruising music, low to the ground with blazing speed and style. Yet it’s also very smooth like a fine whiskey on the rocks; ideal for the nighttime (I love night music). So if you’re somehow browsing my tumblelog while driving your car (ballin!), then turn that sh!t up, sing along with Pharrell and hold on tight (but do drive safely). Or alternatively, slow your roll, peek out your window like a “P-I-M-uh-M-P” and yell at the first dime piece you see, “I said What’s Yo Name???”, then drive away quickly before the “pussy popper #1” line hits. Hey, I didn’t say my proposed cruising plan was well developed.

8. Daft Punk - Harder Better Faster Stronger (The Neptunes Remix)

Daft Punk! Nep-tunes!

OK, let’s start this 8-track Neptunes countdown off with a joint that’s not even originally a Neptunes song but rather a remix of a futuristic and now quite infamous (thanks Yeez) composition from 2001’s Discovery by those 2 french house DJs in space suits: Bangalter and Homem-Christo better known on this side of the universe as Daft Punk.

This remix was birthed as part of the enjoyable but altogether hit-or-miss Daft Club compilation from 2003. But more importantly, you have 2, count ‘em, TWO super producer dynamic duos forming like Voltron to create this elaborate but ultimately polished, next sh!t musical vision. And with a stacked team like that, the finished product better deliver the goods. And deliver the goods it does (in a post-modern humidor set at 70% humidity).

Not a lot of changes were made by the ‘Tunes to differentiate this remix from the original. Basically, the tempo was sped up, vocals by Pharrell were inserted as an almost pseudo-hook/verse. I also hear some noises that sound similar to when a rope or plastic tube is whipped around in the air. And there are some pronounced synthy background harp-like vocals (that description sucks, but at least I understand what I mean). Also, I love the work at the beginning with the keys (move over, Alicia!). Plus the remix is extended at over 5 minutes long but never feels like it over stays its welcome. Actually, now that I’ve written all of that gibberish, there was a lot of skilled sound layering done here (I’m probably missing at least 3 other elements). Yet the spirit of the original is still hidden in there. And if Daft Punk’s Harder Better Faster Stronger can be looked at as an enjoying-a-coke-in-the-afternoon-under-the-sun kinda track, the Neptunes remix is easily on some prime-time clubbing, night rhythms type vibe.

Yes, this is a late night club track to the max. Like when you’re zoning out already after your 7th (or was it 9th?) shot of whatever the fcuk. And you’re chilling on the VIP-like leather couches, trying hard not to fall over on the person next to you (because, of course, you’d want to do it with grace and aplomb). With neon lights galore shining bright and sexy bodies grindin’ as one, everywhere the drunken eye can see. At least that’s what I envision when listening to this song for probably the hundredth time now.

The percussion isn’t so pronounced in this single as it usually is in a Neptunes track. More like sprinkled syncopated subtleties here and there (and I’ve just completed my alliteration quota for the day). I guess P and Chad focused more on capturing the electronic instrumentation of the original track rather then bog it down with any thunderous bass (although it still knocks, don’t get me wrong). And the synths? They’re present like they always are, keeping things tight and under control (but nicely hot under the collar).

So don’t get caught up in the Hatrix. Just play the sh!t out of this track as it never gets old or dated. And if you’ve never heard it before, it is my preferred version of the 3 HBFS tracks (which, in order from greatest to great IMO, includes the 2K3 Neps remix, the turn-of-the-millenium Daft original and the 2007 smash hit care of Mr. West). A timeless Daft Punk invention filtered through underwater Neptunian heat rocks? Mmmm…it DOES go well with the summer.

Daft Punk! Nep-tunes!